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The Topic for this
first session is:
Christian Marriage
Our
cultures help shaped our thinking
and conduct to a greater extend
regarding how we live in our
marriage.
Beloved, I urge you as aliens and
strangers in this world to abstain
from fleshly lusts, which wage war
against the soul (1 Peter 2:11;
see also Romans 12:1-2; Ephesians
4:17-24).
When a Christian comes into
marriage, we dare not allow the
world (our culture) to shape our
thinking, attitudes, and actions.
The purpose of this message is to
consider Christian marriage
primarily in light of the teaching
of Peter in his first epistle.
A
Definition of a Christian Marriage
A
Christian marriage is one in which
at least one partner is a believer
in Christ, who embraces the
attitudes and actions prescribed
by the Scriptures in their
relationship with their mate.
We generally think of a Christian
marriage as one in which both the
husband and the wife are believers
in Christ. While this is certainly
the ideal, it is not always so. A
Christian marriage is one in which
Christ is manifested through the
marriage relationship by at least
one of the partners. Peter's words
to wives in 3:1-6 implies that a
believing wife may manifest Christ
while married to an unbeliever.
Who would dare call this marriage
something less than Christian?
It is not enough for one who is
married to be a Christian. He or
she must also think and act in a
Christian manner. The Christian's
attitudes and actions must flow
from the Scriptures. A Christian
marriage is not governed by the
same principles which guide and
govern a secular marriage. The
Christian life, including the
relationship of marriage, is a
supernatural life. A Christian
marriage does not just happen
naturally; it happens unnaturally,
supernaturally, as we obey the
Scriptures and individually depend
upon the grace of God. Christian
marriage is based upon a God-given
faith, hope, and love, which only
the true believer possesses.
I
have often heard Christians say
the principles for successful
relationships apply as much to
unbelievers as they do to
believers. If one believes this,
then it matters not whether the
one who goes to a Christian
counselor is a Christian or not;
they simply need to be given the
right principles. The Scriptures
simply do not bear this out.
Rather, the Scriptures inform us
that when one comes to Christ, he
or she becomes a new creation, old
things have passed away and all
things have become new (2
Corinthians 5:17).
Peter also speaks of a radical
change which takes place when one
comes from darkness to light:
13 Therefore, gird your
minds for action, keep sober [in
spirit,] fix your hope completely
on the grace to be brought to you
at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
14 As obedient children, do
not be conformed to the former
lusts [which were yours] in your
ignorance, 15 but like the
Holy One who called you, be holy
yourselves also in all [your]
behavior; 16 because it is
written, YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I
AM HOLY. 17 And if you
address as Father the One who
impartially judges according to
each man's work, conduct
yourselves in fear during the time
of your stay [upon earth]; 18
knowing that you were not redeemed
with perishable things like silver
or gold from your futile way of
life inherited from your
forefathers, 19 but with
precious blood, as of a lamb
unblemished and spotless, [the
blood] of Christ. 20 For He
was foreknown before the
foundation of the world, but has
appeared in these last times for
the sake of you 21 who
through Him are believers in God,
who raised Him from the dead and
gave Him glory, so that your faith
and hope are in God. 22
Since you have in obedience to the
truth purified your souls for a
sincere love of the brethren,
fervently love one another from
the heart, for you have been born
again not of seed which is
perishable but imperishable, [that
is,] through the living and
abiding word of God (1 Peter
1:13-23; see also 4:1-6).
Only a believer can live the way
Peter instructs us to live. We can
now be holy as God is holy because
we are in Christ. We can fix our
hope on the glory to be revealed
at the return of our Lord because
we have trusted in Him for
salvation. We can love one another
fervently because our souls have
been purified in obedience to the
truth.
Paul agrees, making it clear that
it is impossible for an unbeliever
to do those things which the
Christian is commanded to do:
5 For those who are according to
the flesh set their minds on the
things of the flesh, but those who
are according to the Spirit, the
things of the Spirit. 6 For the
mind set on the flesh is death,
but the mind set on the Spirit is
life and peace, 7 because the mind
set on the flesh is hostile toward
God; for it does not subject
itself to the law of God, for it
is not even able [to do so]; 8 and
those who are in the flesh cannot
please God. 9 However, you are not
in the flesh but in the Spirit, if
indeed the Spirit of God dwells in
you. But if anyone does not have
the Spirit of Christ, he does not
belong to Him. 10 And if Christ is
in you, though the body is dead
because of sin, yet the spirit is
alive because of righteousness. 11
But if the Spirit of Him who
raised Jesus from the dead dwells
in you, He who raised Christ Jesus
from the dead will also give life
to your mortal bodies through His
Spirit who indwells you. 12 So
then, brethren, we are under
obligation, not to the flesh, to
live according to the flesh-- 13
for if you are living according to
the flesh, you must die; but if by
the Spirit you are putting to
death the deeds of the body, you
will live. 14 For all who are
being led by the Spirit of God,
these are sons of God. 15 For you
have not received a spirit of
slavery leading to fear again, but
you have received a spirit of
adoption as sons by which we cry
out, Abba! Father!
(Romans 8:5-15).
The
unbeliever sets his mind on the
things of the flesh, not the
things of the Spirit. As an
unbeliever, he is hostile toward
God and will not subject himself
to God. An unbeliever cannot
please God because they are only
in the flesh. The Christian,
however, has the Holy Spirit
dwelling within him. The One who
raised the dead body of the Lord
Jesus to life is the One who can
also make us alive to do what God
requires.
In theory it is true--if he or she
could and would follow biblical
principles, the unbeliever would
reap the benefits of doing so. The
problem is that the unbeliever
hates God, hates His commandments
and instructions, and because he
is ensnared by Satan and his own
flesh, he cannot do what is
pleasing to God. The biblical
principles and commands we are
about to enumerate are those which
only a Christian can apply, in the
power of God, to the glory of God,
and to his or her own eternal
benefit.
Having set down this preliminary
definition of a Christian
marriage, we will seek to
articulate the values, goals,
expectations, priorities and
principles which are distinctly
Christian.
Biblical Expectations for
Marriage
There is no such thing as heaven
on earth. Heaven, as it were, will
come down to the earth at the
return of our Lord (see Revelation
21-22). But the New Testament
writers give us no indication that
the believer can and will
experience heaven on earth. In
short, Christ and the apostles
speak of suffering now and glory
later (Mark 10:29-30; Luke
9:21-26; 24:26; John 15:18-20;
16:33; Acts 14:22; 2 Corinthians 4
and 5; 1 Thessalonians 2:10-16;
3:3; 2 Thessalonians 1:3-10; 2
Timothy 1:12; 2:12; 3:12; 4:1-8;
James 5:8-11). Peter constantly
emphasizes our present suffering
and our future hope of glory (1
Peter 1:6-7, 13; 4:12-19; 5:4,
10). Peter's words to citizens
(2:13-17), to servants (2:18-25),
to wives and husbands (3:1-7)
indicate that no matter what our
station in life, we will not
experience the bliss of heaven
until we pass from this life into
the glory of Christ's kingdom.
Godliness does not insure marital
bliss. Most conservative,
evangelical Christians recognize
the error of what has been called
the health and wealth gospel, name
it and claim it Christianity, or
the prosperity gospel. We would be
especially critical of
the prosperity gospel which
promises people that God wants
them to be rich and all they have
to do is to follow a few rules. As
this works itself out through the
prosperity televangelists, viewers
are urged to send in their
donations, assured of receiving
God's manifold financial blessings
in return. We rightly recognize
this not only as untrue,
but hucksterism at its worst.
We are
inconsistent, however. Many who
reject one form of the prosperity
gospel believe it in another form.
For example, how many parents
believe that if they raise up
their children in accordance with
biblically prescribed principles
they may be assured of having
godly children in the end? How
many Christians believe the key to
marital happiness is simply to
follow the manual? I am afraid we
sincerely, but wrongly, assume
that following divine principles
assures us of experiencing marital
bliss. This is simply neither
biblical nor true.
For several reasons, we dare not
presume that God is obligated
to bless our marriage with
happiness if we but follow the
rules.
First,
these presumptions are contrary to
the principle of grace. It is a
mechanical and legalistic
viewpoint which believes that
every good we do receives a good
in return in this life. The
Pharisees held this view and thus
believed a person's spirituality
was measured by his earthly
prosperity and ease. If one were
poor, he must be a sinner. If one
were sick, he must have done
something wrong (see John 9:1-2).
Spirituality could be measured by
outward evidences of prosperity
(see Luke 16:15). If we really
believe this, we do not believe in
grace. The grace by which we are
saved and sanctified, the grace by
which we live, does not work this
way. Grace is the principle
whereby God pours out blessings on
men who do not deserve them. We
would not want God's blessings to
come to us any other way. Marital
bliss is not guaranteed, and most
certainly not on the basis of our
faithfully following a system of
rules or principles.
Second,
these presumptions ignore the fact
that we live in a fallen world.
Marriage existed before sin came
upon the human race. It was Satan
who attacked mankind through
marriage. When God declared the
consequences of sin, He did so in
terms of marriage (see Genesis 3).
We should not expect our marriage
to somehow be exempt from the
consequences of the fall of man.
We should expect sin to adversely
affect marriage as it does
everything else (see Romans
8:18-25).
Peter therefore assumes that even
when a Christian wife lives with
an unbelieving husband, there will
be suffering (1 Peter 3:1-6). More
than this, Peter assumes that when
a Christian husband and wife are
living together, there will still
be sin and suffering (1 Peter
3:7).
Third,
living godly may produce an
adverse reaction from others
rather than a favorable response
(see 1 Peter 2:7-12; 4:1-6).
Fourth,
suffering is a part of the process
by which God proves and purifies
our faith, for our good and His
glory (1 Peter 1:6-9; 2:18-25; see
also Job, Psalm 73; Romans 5:1-11;
James 1:2-4).
Our expectations
of marriage must not be based on
the attitudes and actions God
requires of our mate. It is true
that the husband should live with
his wife according to knowledge,
granting her honor as the weaker
vessel and as a co-heir of the
grace of life (3:7). But it is
wrong for the wife to expect or
even demand that her husband live
this way. She should certainly
hope and pray that he will. The
requirements God makes of one mate
are not found on the check-list of
the other. The wife should strive,
by God's grace, to fulfill that
which God requires of her, just as
the husband should endeavor, by
God's grace, to be the kind of
husband God requires of him.
Neither the wife nor the husband
should dare make their obedience
to God's instructions conditional
on their mate fulfilling his or
her biblical obligations. Peter's
instructions to married couples
assume they will not.
You
can contact us through:
Email:
couples@lrhm.net
Marriage Director
Latter-Rain Harvest Ministries,
Inc.
06
BP 1968 Abidjan 06, Côte d’Ivoire
West Africa
Tel. + 225-22-42-45-83/
225-07-436-000 / +225-07-449-132 /
+225-05-369-998
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